Wednesday, 18 February 2009

Flash Gordon's recession policies

Finance. Bank's bonuses.
Employment. Jobs for British workers in KFC, Subway.
Immigration. 3.8million people born overseas are now working in the UK.
Bankers are filling up on buckets of fried chicken and takeaway pizza as the recession deepens, turning their backs on the fashionable restaurants and gourmet food that boomed as bonuses peaked.

The shift has taken flash Gordon by surprise. In the early days of doom and gloom, he predicted that a period of austerity would force banker's to return to leaner, more basic diets. It would be like war-time rationing all over again, he enthused, and – just as happened 70 years ago – the banker's would wind up healthier for it.

As the bank's failed, fast food is on the rise, as are the companies that sell it. Domino’s Pizza’s profits in the UK grew by 25 per cent in the past year; sales at Kentucky Fried Chicken are up 14 per this year; McDonald’s says its UK stores had their best performance last year. This again is good news because it will help flash Gordon to pay off the trillion pound debt.

As well as its possible effect on the banker’s waistlines, this clutch of companies could also change the face of the high street. Domino’s says it will open at least 50 new stores next year, while KFC said this week it would open up to 300 in the next five years and create 9,000 jobs. Subway, the purveyor of long sandwiches, is also raring to expand. It wants to open another 600 stores by 2010, and says it will create 7,000 jobs. This again is very good news for flash Gordon; as the UK's bank's fail he knows that they can find another job as a plate washer etc, that's if he can get all the immigrants to return home.
Jamie Oliver R.I.P.

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